


This Could Be a Catastrophe

by proudprussian



Category: Naruto
Genre: All the Star Trek References, Cat Akatsuki, Rated T for Hidan's Potty Mouth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:10:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7209020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proudprussian/pseuds/proudprussian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The age old 'Akatsuki gets turned into cats', with slight twists. (Set in Australia, because who knows what could happen in a country that is just as, if not more deadly, than the Akatsuki?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. These Finals Are Never Going To Be Finished

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, I hope that you can give this a chance. Updates may be slow and sporadic, but hopefully I can make it into good content for you guys. Reviews are love!

There was a knock on the front door. I didn't have a doorbell or at least one that actually worked. _You really need to replace the damn batteries._

It was late, like seriously late. Not that I was anywhere near asleep, considering I needed to finish not only part of my final artwork but a really long essay that now needed a bibliography. Dragging myself up from my desk and towards the front door (next to which a _supposedly_ unsharpened, never used, _just a cosplay prop_ , sword sat next to. You know, just in case.)

‘What on earth?'

A box of cats.

And I mean that literally. There was a box of cats sitting on the front porch of the house that I lived in, left to me by an uncle who had passed away several years earlier. Truthfully I was lucky to live here, considering all things that had happened in the past. But, cats? _Why cats?_ Why not cage full of birds or a box of puppies?

The cats were a rowdy bunch, each seeming to be perfectly individual but also in unison, especially when I opened the lid and they all became silent. The range of colours in the box was astounding, most of them couldn't possibly be real; they had to be fake. A beautiful small violet cat, proud and seemingly female laying off to the side next to the cat who seemed to be the leader, an orange tabby cat with piercing purple eyes that I could have sworn there were rings upon rings within. The largest cat, an aquamarine coloured cat sat next to a smaller black cat, who seemed to be incredibly bored staring out at me. The loudest cat seemed to be another tabby, black with an orange face that was playfully pawing at an irritated blond cat, smaller than the black one but larger than the red one sitting next to them.  A very large brown cat was glaring at a hissing silver cat with their multi-coloured eyes, whilst a half black and half white, almost Oreo-like, the cat was shaking their head in annoyance.

‘You are all very strange cats.'

As soon as I spoke, they all looked straight towards me. Slightly unnerved, I gently picked up the box causing the cats inside to take a small tumble; each falling onto the one beside them.

‘Sorry about that.'

The cats themselves were lucky that I wasn't holding anything else, realistically they could have easily been dropped. They really weren't light to carry, especially considering there were ten of them.  I had been going to the gym, so I felt as though I couldn't use that as an excuse.

After getting the cats inside and putting them on the floor of the lounge room, thanking the heavens for whatever god was out there for the forethought of wooden floorboards and polished concrete with heating underneath, I grabbed a fair few cans of tuna out of the cupboard and put them into some containers. The cats probably hadn't eaten in a while, and I didn't have a lot of experience with cats (Birds. Yes. Fish. Yes. Cats. Definitely not) so I was going purely from a stereotype.

‘I'm not going to pick you lot out of this box.' I stated, putting the tuna filled containers on the floor and grabbing a pair of scissors to slice the sides of the box. ‘I'm going to cut the sides of the box so that you can walk out by yourselves.'

The sight of the open pair of scissors had them backing up, except for one. The silver cat in all their wisdom or stupidity decided to sniff and then lick the blades. Apparently satisfied with the blades, the silver cat then, too, backed up. Now I could open the box up without getting attacked, at least this was my hope. After slicing the box open, the cats made their way out of the box cautiously, as if expecting to be attacked. I pushed the glass containers filled with tuna closer towards the cats and sat on the floor.

‘Here is some tuna. I have no idea what cats actually eat, so I'm most definitely stereotyping. But hey, I'll look it up later and go in the morning into town to actually get some proper food for you lot.'

The orange faced cat was the first to go up to the tuna, sniffing it slowly and then, apparently finding it acceptable, diving in. The rest of the cats followed behind, although they definitely didn't drop their guards, as they kept looking around the room every so often and up at me. What on earth had happened to these cats to make them so wary of people? I get it, humanity is cruel and the world isn't always that much better.

‘Hope you don't mind, but I have final artworks due this week and I'm both a procrastinator and a perfectionist so nothing gets done right when I want to get it done right.'

I could have sworn that the blond cat and the red cat perked up a little at the word artwork, but I was pretty tired and could have been imagining it all. It really wouldn't surprise me. Tea was the only thing fuelling my conscious at the moment, that and the fact that I didn't really want to be hallucinating the cats that were now looking at me like I was insane.

I must have been staring at them for a while and my first instinct was to attempt a Force mind trick which probably made them think I was even more insane than previously thought.

‘This is not the droid you are looking for. Damn, I really need to get this work done otherwise I'm going to either fail because nothing gets handed in or I die because of lack of sleep and far too much caffeine in my bloodstream.'

Standing up and gathering supplies for the next stage of my work, as things were scattered everywhere all over my desk, plus studio happened to also be in the lounge room so I didn't have to go very far, dismantling the box before throwing it on the floor beneath the unfinished canvas. Better for me to be safe than sorry, regardless of whether or not the flooring was easily cleaned (unlike carpet). Oil paint was hard.

A loud crash was heard.

I turned around and saw the container filled with tuna go flying and landing just short of the paper in front of my easel. A guilty looking orange faced cat stared at me, whilst cat like snickering could be heard from the largest cat and the silver cat. I shook my head. I probably should find a spot for the cats to sleep for the night and so I could think clearly.

_Dammit, I'm an artist, not a cleaner!_

Paraphrasing Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy was honestly the best thing in the world, except for my obsession with certain anime and manga series (even if I didn't particularly like how some of them ended).

The orange faced cat wandered over to me and started meowing, fairly pathetically. I suppose that they thought that it would be the best way to apologise. I leant down to scratch behind the cat's ear, with the orange faced cat leaning into my hand.

 ‘Hey it's okay, I'll clean up and then I'll find you lot a place to sleep for the night and then in the morning I'll figure the rest out.'  

Standing up out of my crouch, I figured I wasn’t going to get any work done with the cats as they were and with how tired I was artwork and essay just weren’t going to happen.

‘Sleep is definitely a good idea.’

 _Sleep, the final frontier._ _I should probably stop thinking in Star Trek quotes._

* * *

 

 ‘We seem to be cats.'

Kisame looked up and stared the now feline self of the shinobi opposite him.

‘Thank you for pointing out the obvious dipshit.'

‘Fuck you!'

Hidan hissed at Kakuzu, promptly starting a hissing fight with the occasional swiping of the claw from both parties. Kisame shook his furry head and sighed. Was it too much to ask for to have those two not be constantly at each other's throats? Probably not. This was the Akatsuki after all.

The Akatsuki happened to be all in a very cramped box, mostly cramped due to the size of both Kisame and Kakuzu, but cramped nonetheless, placed by who knows what (or who) outside of an old house, built with an architectural design that was very unfamiliar to the shinobi turned cats. (Except for Hidan, but he wasn't going to say that the temples of Jashin had very similar outwards appearances.) It was incredibly dark out, perhaps around midnight, but the slight light from the patio lanterns helped to show where each Akatsuki member was.

The door that the box was sitting in front of opened suddenly, showing a girl of about eighteen or nineteen years old with dirty blonde hair pulled up in what was probably meant to be a messy bun but was more mess than bun and cool grey eyes. Red and gold paint splattered up the side of her face and on the edge of her black rimmed glasses. All the Akatsuki became silent, wondering what was going to happen next.

‘What on earth?'

The accent that the Akatsuki heard was not something that they had ever heard before, but most just dismissed it. Hidan, however, didn’t dismiss it, the accent sounded vaguely familiar. It sounded very similar to Jashin-sama and how he spoke.

‘Where the fuck are we?’ Hidan hissed.

‘Shut up, moron!’

Kakuzu almost swiped at Hidan, but thought better of it realising that the girl was about to speak again.

‘You are all very strange cats.'

As one, the Akatsuki turned towards the girl. Deidara had an affronted look on his feline face; he almost went to say something but found himself laying atop of Sasori. As did Hidan and Kakuzu, and Kisame and Itachi. Tobi and Zetsu, surprisingly didn’t say a word (neither did Konan or Pein).

‘Get off me, brat!’

‘Sorry danna, un!’

‘Fucker!’

‘Please get off of me, Kisame-san.’

‘I’ll kill you.’

The Akatsuki found themselves being lifted from the ground in an impressive show of strength from a civilian, at least that it was they hoped.

‘Sorry about that.'

A rush of warm air came through the box, signalling to the cats that they were now inside the strange house. A few more bumps and they were placed on the floor. None of the Akatsuki could see what was going on and so a scuffle broke out. All was going horribly until.

‘All of you be silent!’

Pein glared at the members of his organisation. _Why were these shinobi being incredibly childish? They’re all S-ranked criminals!_ He thought to himself and shared a commiserating look with Konan.

 _Idiots_.

The smell of fish wafted through the air and many of the stomachs of the now cats growled. The shinobi would have blushed if they could have, but yet they could not.

‘I'm not going to pick you lot out of this box.' The girl stated.

‘Wise **choice**.’ Zetsu, for the first time since being turned into a cat stated. Apparently both halves were in agreement. The rest of his commentary was cut short by the sound of glass containers being placed on the floor, the fish smell getting stronger.

‘I'm going to cut the sides of the box so that you can walk out by yourselves.'

The Akatsuki backed away, not frightened, but wary of the blade wielding girl. They wouldn’t be able to fight in their current state.

‘What are you doing, moron?’

The rest of the Akatsuki looked at Kakuzu then at the moron in question, who for some reason wasn’t as wary (nothing unusual, considering how immortal the moron was) as the others. And surprised the rest of them by sniffing the blades of the scissors and promptly licking them.

‘They’re not poisoned, nor are they sharp enough to actually do any proper damage.’

The comment surprised the rest of the Akatsuki. Had Hidan actually done something to try and protect the rest of the group from a potentially dangerous opponent? Apparently so, as he too backed up whilst the girl hacked away at one side of the box.

‘Here is some tuna. I have no idea what cats actually eat, so I'm most definitely stereotyping. But hey, I'll look it up later and go in the morning into town to actually get some proper food for you lot.'

Despite the reassurance that the pair of scissors weren’t actually poisoned, no one trusted the girl enough to taste the food.

‘Why don’t you try it Tobi, un.’

‘But sempai! It could kill Tobi!’

‘ **That is a risk we** will be willing to take.’ And with that Zetsu pushed, or nudged Tobi forward.

Tobi was cautious and took a slight nibble of the tuna and suddenly dived into the food.

‘It’s okay! Tobi’s okay!’

‘Pity.’

(None of the Akatsuki would own up to saying this, but all would admit to have thought it later on.)

With that, the rest of the Akatsuki all took a few steps forward and devoured the tuna set in front of them. None of them actually dropped their guards, though. When one had some food, another would be looking up and around so as to spot danger.

‘Hope you don't mind, but I have final artworks due this week and I'm both a procrastinator and a perfectionist so nothing gets done right when I want to get it done right.'

 _Artworks?_ Was the thought that went through both the artists’ minds; both of their faces perked up and they looked at the girl with far more interest than before.

‘Perfectionist and procrastinator? How does that work out?’ Kisame asked generally.

‘Probably not very well at all.’ Answered the ever quiet Konan.

The rest of the Akatsuki looked at the girl who seemed lost in thought, as she hadn’t stopped staring at the cats. Shaking her head, she seemed to notice her trance and said (along with an odd hand motion that was more like a wave than anything).

‘This is not the droid you are looking for. Damn, I really need to get this work done otherwise I'm going to either fail because nothing gets handed in or I die because of lack of sleep and far too much caffeine in my bloodstream.'

The girl was gathering supplies when Tobi made a glass container filled with tuna go flying in the direction of an easel set up with a half completed canvas.

‘How the fuck did you manage to make it fly?’

Hidan seemed to be the only one who could talk, as the rest of the Akatsuki stared on in utter amazement as Tobi made a complete fool of himself, whining and meowing pathetically and rubbing up against the girl in order to appease her.

‘Hey it's okay, I'll clean up and then I'll find you lot a place to sleep for the night and then in the morning I'll figure the rest out.'

After getting a closer look at the girl, she seemed absolutely exhausted.

‘No wonder she’s willing to let go of Tobi’s crap if she looks that tired, un.’

‘Art is a long process, brat. But you wouldn’t know this, would you?’

‘Stop! No more discussions about art! Not today!’

Pein had had enough of the art discussion for a life time.

‘Sleep is definitely a good idea.’

That was something that all could agree on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cats? Seriously? Another 'Akatsuki-turned-cats' fanfiction? This is a remake of a story I wrote a long time ago, but nothing is the same only the initial concept. I was also going to crosspost it on FanFiction but it's been a very long time since I've used that site and for some stupid reason it won't actually let me upload any of my files into the document manager to actually turn them into stories. Like seriously, why? Also, for people who have read Thanatos, I have been working on the next chapter and it is coming along. Very, very slowly.  
> (UPDATE: CROSSPOSTED ONTO FANFICTION... Finally worked it out)


	2. What A Wonderful Wake Up Call!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while? Hope that you enjoy this; it was half written last year but I redid the entire chapter and started totally from scratch. Something that I really needed to do and now it's going to be full of even more random references that for the most part people will get. 
> 
> (Crossposted on FanFiction.net)

A loud blaring sound woke the occupants of the room all of a sudden. Cats and human alike all jumped from their slumber, with some of the cats making a loud howling sound.

‘Shut the fuck up!’ 

This statement was echoed amongst the Akatsuki; mostly non verbal except for Hidan and Deidara.

A pillow went flying across the room and threw the alarm off of the table that it was standing on, landing in a loud crash upon the floor. 

‘What the fuck?’ 

The girl gradually rose from where she lay on her bed, fully clothed having collapsed on top of it from exhaustion. She looked at the cats scattered around the room in confusion and then shook her head, clearly (or not so clearly as the case may be) remembering the night before.

‘Cats. I have no clue as to how to take care of cats.’

As the Akatsuki watched she wiped the sleep out of her eyes and made a move to get off of the bed, stumbling as she did so. Grabbing her paint splattered glasses from off of the bedside table she moved towards the curtains and started to open them, letting bright sunshine through the frosted windows.

‘The fuck? Cats? God dammit it Alana! Fuck there goes all my fucking money.’

They could here her mumbling under her breath.

‘She apparently swears as much as Hidan does.’ Came the dry voice of Kisame, who was laying on top of a basket of magazines. It hadn’t been the most comfortable, but Kisame had slept in worse conditions so he really couldn’t complain too much. He’d been warm, dry and as safe as an S-Class Criminal could possibly ever be whilst sleeping in an unfamiliar situation.

‘Apparently so.’ Kakazu shook his head; just what he needed was another Hidan. 

‘Okay, first thing first I need to figure out what to do with you guys.’ The sudden comment made the Akatsuki freeze. _Do with them?_

‘Does this mean that she isn’t keeping us?’ 

Tobi sounded sad, and it looked to the rest of the Akatsuki that he was going to cry.

‘We’re not her pets!’ Deidara exclaimed, looking indignant. They were very dangerous criminals and yet here they were being debated upon like house pets.

‘We’re currently domesticated,’ and at this Hidan scoffed but Konan continued, ‘ _Domesticated_ animals who are generally considered pets. If she doesn’t take us all in, we may get split up or put down if we’re taken to a pet shelter.’

‘I can’t take you to the RSPCA today and honestly I’m not sure that I really want to. You clearly all seem to know each other and are familiar with the others, and it would be pretty crappy if you were suddenly split up.’

The Akatsuki let go of a sigh of relief that they didn’t know that they were holding in. 

‘I’ll go the pet shop after breakfast to get you guys food and whatever. Who the fuck knows? I’ve never had cats before. It’ll be an adventure and _great_ now I’m Captain James T. Kirk.’ 

‘Whose Captain James T. Kirk?’ Deidara asked, and the others shrugged. They had no idea what was going on anymore than Deidara did. (Hidan however refrained from saying anything; he recognised some of the names that the girl had sprouted off in the last twenty-four hours. All due to a certain god of his.)

The eyes of the cats followed the girl, whose name they had only learned moments ago was Alana, as she gathered some clean clothes from her wardrobe and as she disappeared into the bathroom. They may be S-Class Criminals, but (for the most part) they weren’t perverse enough to want to watch a stranger get naked and change into clothes in the privacy of their own home. The did have some morals, questionable as they were.

The sound of a shower seemed to be a signal as Pain nodded and the rest of the Akatsuki started to slowly leave the room; they needed to figure out where they were and the best way to discover where they were (and possibly how to get back) was to explore a potentially dangerous place.

* * *

 

I awoke the next morning to the sound of my alarm. For some unknown reason, my friends thought that it would be terribly amusing to change the sound from the Star Trek theme song (something that would make me honestly happy, well _happier_ , to wake up to) to a _Jashin_ awful repetitive monstrosity that made me even less of a morning person than what I was. (And every single time I changed it, my lovely and kind friends would change it back to the monstrosity.

‘Shut the fuck up!’

With that I threw one of my pillows across the room and the alarm fell to the ground with a satisfying crash.

_That should do it! No more fucking BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP in the morning for me, no sir!_

I looked around my room to see cats surrounding me. 

‘What the fuck?’

Then I remembered, vaguely, bringing in a box of strange cats (both in appearance and in attitude) last night after trying and failing to finish my projects. Projects that were due in less than a week. And now I had cats to look after.

_How even was this my life?_

Getting out of the bed, so many things were going through my head. I was lucky that I recently got a job, thankfully it only required me twice a week for work so I could study and still attend my dance classes. But now with these cats. 

‘The fuck? Cats? God dammit it Alana! Fuck there goes all my fucking money.’

I slowly made my way around the room, careful not to stand on any tails and art supplies that had found their inevitable way onto the ground.

‘Okay, first thing first I need to figure out what to do with you guys.’ 

This comment set some of the cats off. Now I was always a believer in the fact that animals are a lot more intelligent than most humans give them credit for and that I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they could understand every word I was saying. 

‘I can’t take you to the RSPCA today and honestly I’m not sure that I really want to. You clearly all seem to know each other and are familiar with the others, and it would be pretty crappy if you were suddenly split up.’ This seemed to calm the cats down; they really didn't want to be separated it seemed. Or they really didn’t want to leave here. (I’m more counting on the first, rather than the second.)

‘I’ll go the pet shop after breakfast to get you guys food and whatever. Who the fuck knows? I’ve never had cats before. It’ll be an adventure and _great_ now I’m Captain James T. Kirk.’ (I always thought of myself more as Bones if I were to be perfectly honest. 

With that I grabbed some clean clothes out of my wardrobe; a pair of black jeans and a black v-neck shirt, nothing fancy but something comfortable to wear and casual enough that it didn’t seem like I was an absolute slob.  

I made my way to the bathroom; I honestly wasn’t going to have a shower but one look at the state of my hair made me think twice. Paint, paint and more paint were the order of the day it seemed. I really wasn’t in a state to be really going anywhere besides the studio. 

So a shower it was.

* * *

 

As each of the Akatsuki went through the house, they each stumbled across things that were not out of place in a civilians home; although architecturally the house was different to anything that any of them (bar Hidan) had ever actually seen before, for the most part only the technology was an apparent upgrade as far as any of them could tell. The long hallway allowed for them to be able to see most of the rooms, none of the doors being shut it seemed, and what each of the rooms contained within.

The room at the end of the hallway looked, besides the kitchen, to be the largest and seemed to be a large library or some sort of collection room, instead of it being a traditional family room. (But considering that she probably lived alone having a family room didn’t seem to be a top priority.) 

The Akatsuki could appreciate her large bookshelves that were not only full of books, but overflowing. Books of all sorts, that they could tell, lined the shelves. Language and historical were the ones that they could more freely see from their position in the middle of the hallway. Among other things that he could see from their spot were several scrolls, rolled up in a basket, older (and more likely to be completed) artworks on smaller canvas’ laying atop the bookshelves nearest the door, an open wardrobe and various storage containers (one being conspicuously labelled “cosplay”).  

‘She seems to be an avid reader.’ Itachi pointed out, ‘Maybe we will find something of interest pertaining to our current situation on the shelves?’

‘You have a point. There may be information amongst all of that.’ Gesturing towards the looming shelves that now seemed to be larger than what they were before, as Kakazu moved closer to the room.  

As the Akatsuki reached the inside of the room, they soon discovered that the bookshelves actually covered three of the four walls (the last being spared because of a large window that spanned the height of the wall itself). Despite there not being any books on the fourth wall, a collection of small floating shelves surrounded the window; floating shelves which had a few trophies, weaponry (of the replica kind they later discovered; though they were definitely dangerous if properly sharpened) and figurines.

‘That’s a lot of books.’ Tobi stated. 

‘And I don’t believe that Alana would be pleased if anything were to happen to any of them.’ Konan pointed out; she noticed in the girls bedroom a number of books that were clearly well loved and read and didn’t think that she would want any of them to be destroyed or disfigured in anyway. 

‘I won’t be pleased either.’ Pein eyed the other members of the Akatsuki and they nodded; none of them really wanted to get on the bad side of him regardless of the fact that they were now cats.

They went about looking at the books on the shelves, and whilst they could climb the shelves they didn’t want to risk breaking any of the trinkets on the shelving as it may alert the girl that was now their host. And the fact that they didn’t want to anger Pein or Konan if they somehow managed to damage any of the books or scrolls within the room.

‘She seems to have quite the collection of graphic novels and comics.’ 

Tobi was making himself at home amongst the comics, graphic novels and manga not noticing the few _Naruto_ volumes that he happened to sit in front of.

‘And art books.’

Sasori had made this observation out loud on purpose, as he could see Deidara eyeing up the historical books with a look of distaste on his face.

‘Let me see!’ 

The blonde cat went flying across the room towards where Sasori was exploring, and indeed the red cat was correct. A large portion of this particular shelf was purely for books entitled with the words _the art of_ generally followed by something. He could spy Dragon Age Inquisition and The Force Awakens to name a few.

‘Found anything yet?’

Kisame asked the rest of the cats, prowling the bottom of the bookshelves through the language books.

‘Not just yet. **Though she seems to have quite the collection of recipe books.’**

Zetsu seemed quite pleased with this find and though he knew that ninety-nine percent of civilised people wanted nothing to do with him and his proclivities he always wondered if someone out there would see it the way he did. (Later on Alana would introduce the Akatsuki to Hannibal and he found everything about the character perfect. Now if only he were real.)  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I feel terrible that I haven't updated any of my long fics. (I'm apparently much better at writing one shots.) I apologise for that and I'm really sorry that I can't make any promises to update on an absolutely regular schedule. I wish that I could, but between university, dancing and work it's difficult to find a moment for myself to do any of the previous three. I'm already working on the next chapter, so hopefully (fingers crossed) that should be ready soonish.


End file.
